I tend to post more when I’m troubled and recently I have been pretty happy. Of course, I would prefer not to work and not to get up at 6:30, but you can’t have everything right?
The bliss with HIM is still continuing. Last week we spent a lot of time together and we really did have a blast. I still can’t say if sex is good or not. I think it is…and it’s getting better.
We are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. Of course, he still says he doesn’t love me, but I don’t push any more. I know him enough to say that his feelings are deeper than he thinks. Besides, I am still evaluating what I actually feel for him, too. I guess we both need time.
He has been working since Sunday, so we have not seen each other that much, which means we went out yesterday and today again – normally we would see each other every day.
However, I am a needy person and I do want to spend every minute with him. OK, maybe not every minute, but I would like to see him more often. I miss him when he’s not around, or when he’s working and I don’t hear from him for 8 hours. I want more sleepovers and cuddling, and sex. Today he told me he was not going to be able to see me until Saturday, which is a very long time for me. It frustrates me that I can’t meet him earlier. But, I also know that he works and that he needs to make a living, so I fight with my needy self and bring out the kind, understanding Divorced and Single.
I have mixed feelings about it because I can see that he is trying to spend time with me and divide it between me and work, but on the other hand I have doubts and I am not sure where my limit of kindness and understanding should be?
Out of my own initiative we went out yesterday and today he sent me a message: ‘Let’s have an early dinner today. At least that’s all I can do for now’. After I asked him what he meant exactly he said ‘I am just afraid you are going to dump me for a younger guy, who has more time and less sorrows. I can only offer you dinners, breakfast once in a while and sex sometimes.’
It thrilled me that he was worried I would leave him. He very rarely expresses how much he likes me and if he does so, he says things with that smirk on his face that always confuses me if he is serious or just joking.
But now, after I have written it, this makes me wonder if dinners, breakfasts and sex is enough for me and that maybe by that he wanted to suggest that he doesn’t really have a space for a relationship? But if that’s the case then why would he say that he was afraid that I would leave hiM?
I am confused, because this is a start of a relationship and it’s better if we spend a lot of time apart, but what if this is going to last? And then…how much of his time do I actually, really need so he doesn’t start annoying me, or becomes someone I am bored with (which can happen)?
How much is too much and how little is too little?