Hello all my lovelies, it’s been a while.
I actually considered quitting writing this blog all together, but I thought of all of you bloggers that I made friends with and just couldn’t make myself to delete it.
Anyhow, life has been good and bad recently.
The situation with HIM is stable at the moment, but oh boy, had we some rough times! Mostly, they were caused by my mood swings, my jealousy and insecurities. I can’t even remember why I was behaving like that. I overanalyzed his every move, his every word and drove myself mad. I said things to him that caused him not to talk to me for a few days. During our last argument a week ago I really thought he would leave me.
I gave him time to cool off and when we finally met up he kept his distance. He talked to me, but his whole behaviour changed. I panicked…I pressured him to talk to me about it.
That night we had a huge fight on the street. He accused me of pushing him into confessions he didn’t want to make. We went through ‘I love you, but you don’t love me’ thing all over again. I cried…He felt bad…Of course we ended up hugging each other and kissing, and having a wild sex that night.
We spent 4 days together and they were a bliss…It is so nice now, and I really don’t want to spoil this. I really don’t want to go back to the pissed off, nasty DivorceandSingle, who tries to hurt him with her words all the time. I really did hate myself for it.
We have both agreed that this relationship will be over at some stage. We are both expats, who have a little bit of a different idea of what to do with their future. I think in 6 months or so we will say good bye to each other. Although, that is a long time and anything can happen.
I am still enjoying teaching…somewhat…However, I have been fantasizing about being a writer and earning money mainly on that. I am now actively looking for some assignments, and I might have scored a pretty big project, so fingers crossed for that.
I am also writing 2 books (maybe 3). If I manage to sell them then I won’t have to get up at 6 any more – or so I hope.
I have taken some time off work last week and I really did enjoy sitting in a coffee shop and writing. This is what I want to do. As much as teaching is fun, I don’t want to do it until the rest of my life.
Living in Asia makes me think that it is possible to sustain my living only from writing. It would not be possible in Europe, at least not at the beginning. At the moment I just need to earn £500 a month to live on the same level as I have been. I really do hope to achieve it one day.
Apart from the possible big writing project, I have mentioned, I also have an interview with a company that provides teaching English online. If I can get that job, I will be able to quit my full time job, work remotely and have more time to write…The only issue is that this will cause a little bit of problems with my visa.
My sister is in Poland now. She is living with my parents. From what she says the financial problems my parents had were exaggerated and my mum used an emotional blackmail against us.
AT least the legal matters regarding my mum’s properties are now sorted and they have been given to me and my sister. It is a double relief: in case of more debts no one will take it away from us, it is also my backup for retirement, in case I decide never to have a serious life (which is very possible).
Today I am full of positive energy. I just hope it lasts for a bit.