‘We looked at your tests results and we found that there were cancerous cells in the mole’ I was sitting in my dermatologist’s office in one of the Chiang Mai’s hospitals. I was staring at the young doctor not understanding what he was saying. My mind went blank. The only thing I knew was that I had cancer. He showed me the test results, pointing at specific paragraphs, but I looked at it and wasn’t seeing anything. I wanted to cry.

A week back HE and I were having a home-spa afternoon. I had bought a really good body scrub and HE was massaging my back with it. ‘You have a really funny looking mole here’ he said suddenly. Because I couldn’t see it, he took a photo of it and showed it me. It indeed looked bad – it looked more like a black uneven stain than a mole. It was the same one that I had scratched before and which my dermatologist recommended to remove, but I decided not to then.
I went to the doctor as soon as I could. I had the mole removed and waited a week for the results. I was sure everything was going to be ok. But, as it turned out, it wasn’t the case. I had another small surgery two days after my diagnosis. The mole was removed with a little bit of skin around it to make sure that everything was gone. The sample was sent for further analysis. At the moment I have stitches and am waiting for results, which are suppose to come back next Monday.

Of course I put my results into Google. Since I couldn’t focus on what the dermatologist said I had to check it myself. My skin cancer is called ‘melanoma in situ’, which means that the cancerous cells are only on the outside and diddn’t manage to spread. The outlook for this kind of melanoma is said to be excellent and there are 90% of chances I will not need any further treatments. If it turns out the cancer is till there, I will need another surgery. I try to think positive, but you know how it goes, the ‘C’ word is scary and when you hear it from your doctor the whole life flashes before your eyes (quite literally). I am scared and worried and I just want this week to be gone quickly so I can finally find out what is going on.

HE has been wonderful during this whole time. He looks after me and spends a lot of time with me to make sure I don’t get sad. It is nice to have someone like that next to you. If it wasn’t for him I would have probably gone home by now.

Keep your fingers crossed for my, my lovlies and wish me luck.

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