Phew! It seems like it was yesterday when I published my last post, but at the same time it feels like it has been ages.
It took me 24 hours to get back to Chiang Mai from India. It was the longest journey ever. My flight was rescheduled twice and I was informed about it 2 hours before. It screwed up my connecting flight from Bangkok to Chiang Mai completely. I thought I would never get home…But, at the end, I did.
I was so happy when I finally landed that I couldn’t stop smiling. HE picked me up from the airport, brought me home, which he previously had cleaned and tidied, fed me with food and poured some beers into me.
The next two weeks were a total bliss. HIM and me were living together during that time. We slept until noon, went for food and coffee, drove around the town, watched movies until early morning hours. We partied a little. I could have not wished for a better time off.
I know that I said before I would break up with him. I really did mean it. A lot of you advised me against my plan. I would have done it if it wasn’t for the fact that since I have been back it’s been an absolute bliss. Those last two weeks really seem too good to be true. I can’t even explain how good it feels to spend time with him and be around him, how good it is to be appreciated for the crazy person I am, how good it is to be spoiled.
He moved to his new apartment 2 days ago. He has already bought me a toothbrush and even an Iphone charger, so I don’t need to drive home to pick it up every time I stay overnight. Little gesture, but it says a thousand words.
As to his feelings, as far as I know they haven’t changed. We haven’t had a conversation about it since the time I messaged him from India. I decided to leave it and see how things go. A couple of days ago we started discussing it and I did tell him that I was confused about what I really wanted from him and I just preferred not to think about it. I did tell him I had been planning to leave him and to never contact him again. He pushed for conversation, but I did not want to talk about any of that. All I found out from him was that he ‘liked me a little bit more than just liking a person as a friend’, but he ‘has been very careful with his words as not to say too much too quickly. He admitted that he didn’t know what he wanted and that he was scared.
My problem with him is that I might be in love, but I have been questioning this recently and I really do not know what love is any more. What I know is that I do like spending time with him and I enjoy his company. It seems that we have a perfect connection, but I don’t really know how we could continue this. We both don’t know what we want from our lives. I don’t think that neither of us would be willing to compromise on choosing a place where we want to go and live. We both have insecure futures, and I think I do need someone who could support me and be there for me. I do not think I am able to do that for another person…Do I make any sense? So, for now, we are together and we are in a relationship, as we agreed to it a couple of days ago, but I don’t think this will last longer than 6 months. Let’s just wait and see.