I finally managed to talk to HIM.

I told him I was in love with him and that I did want him to be more affectionate.

The chat was pretty long, so I will try to put it in a few paragraphs.

He doesn’t love me. He likes spending time with me and he enjoys my company very much, but he doesn’t love me. He shouldn’t have said that he ‘might be in love with me’. This was a mistake. In his opinion we have a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship, but without the love on his side he thinks it’s more like being good friends with sex. He would find it ok if I had someone else. He would be very sad, but he could live with that. He thinks that this set up is not fair to me and I need to decide what I want. Maybe being friends would be better.

I did decide to keep things where they are. I treat him as a boyfriend and I do love him. I am angry with him that he took his love confession back though and he admitted to being a total ass. But I still decide to drag this with one exception: I do want commitment. I don’t want him to sleep with or date anyone else. If he once decides to do so, he needs to break up with me immediately.

He said he didn’t want me to tell him if I see other people as that would be hurtful and he prefers to live without that knowledge.

I am not sure what I’ve just done. My head is telling me to break this off, but my heart is telling me something different. Maybe it is worth fighting for this relationship?

My sister told me that HE is not a relationship guy, that at the moment he is very focussed on himself and on having good time and on whatever can distract him from his depressive states. And I do realise that and yet…I’m dragging this along for whatever reason.

Truth to be told that I can’t imagine us being together long term. I can’t picture us making life decisions together, or even living together. I also don’t have long term plans, so it is hard for me to say what I want from him anyway. Maybe for now I just want a little commitment and to be able to hang out with him?

I really don’t know….It’s so confusing.

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