Before HE came back I was fine. I felt like I was a whole person again and I knew where I was going. I stuffed my face with some food after work and watched ‘Chuihaha movie’ and ‘Toothfairy’, and ‘Scarface’; I went out with my sister and C and talked about dicks and war in Iraq, and felt single and free….

Then he came back and ruined everything.

Suddenly, after only a week of spending time with him I feel like my good, single girl energy is gone again. To quote after a character in a bollywood movie I have seen here in India ‘I feel like a pressure cooker’. I feel like I’m about to burst. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. When I stand I want to sit, when I sit I want to lay down, when I lay down I want to stand… It’s killing me!!

I didn’t ask for this. I was going to be cool about the whole thing. I was going to be reserved.

My mind is saying that I should stay away, that he’s leaving in a few months and that he might be too childish for a relationship I want. But I just can’t help feeling how I feel.

The distance doesn’t help here. I think of what he is doing. He usually messages me a couple of times a day. Yesterday he didn’t and I was already thinking that maybe he’s found someone else, or maybe he is not interested in me cause I might have been too opened with my feelings and he’s not enjoying the chase any more. I am driving myself crazy.

Isn’t love suppose to be nice? Isn’t suppose to give you wings and make you smile to yourself all the time?

Can someone rip my heart out and take this feeling away? Or maybe someone could open up my head and put some wisdom into it?

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