I picked HIM up from the airport. He was friendly, there was no kissing. I thought that was fine. At first I wasn’t that attracted to him, but the more we talked, the more I wanted him. I really did want him in the way I hadn’t felt in a long, long time – the way you want someone, because his brain and your brain are on the same wave lengths.

He checked into his hostel and we went for drinks.

After a couple of beers he kissed me. I was over the moon. We made out like there was no tomorrow.

Then we went to a club. There was more kissing and touching. He told me I excited him and he can’t keep his hand off of me when we’re together. I said I had missed him. He just looked at me and said nothing.

We went to another bar and there he told me he was very attracted to me, that it wasn’t just physical, but he hadn’t been attracted to anyone on an emotional level like that before. I told him I had tried to date and hook up with other guys during the last 6 months, but it just didn’t work because I just couldn’t feel anything for anyone , but him. I told him I had feelings for him, but I was scared of being hurt as I knew he was leaving in 6 months.
Then he said something strange…He said he didn’t want marriage and kids (I was like…WTF?), nor relationship, that he could do without touching, or kissing me. When I asked if he wanted to be friends. He said that yes, he would like that. I sat there, staring at the bar and couldn’t believe what had happened. After a while I said I couldn’t be friends with him, that I can be friends with any other guy, but not him. He looked at me with that face that said ‘I’m sorry. I’m an ass’, but said nothing. I got up and left. I haven’t heard from him since.

This conversation should have not happened so early. I know. But it was him that started kissing me and talking about how much he liked me.
I should have held myself back, but on the other hand I had decided a while ago to let people know how I feel, and deal with the consequences.
I am now dealing with them. I am hurting a lot. I have been in love with him for so long and now I have a broken heart….yet again!

I am afraid I lost him forever….

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