I have this fear in me that whenever I say how excited, or happy, I am about something that thing won’t happen. I don’t know where I get it from. Maybe because I don’t want to feel stupid afterwards…I don’t know.

That’s why when a week ago my friend asked me if I was excited about HIM coming back, I just shrugged my shoulder and said ‘Meh…kind of. I actually don’t think we will be together again. I just don’t want to have expectations, you know?’ I didn’t allow myself to be happy. Instead, I imagined that we would just be friends, that he would tell me he had a girlfriend, even that out of a sudden he was gay. Of course, I also imagined hot kisses, and even hotter sex, but I didn’t say anything out loud.

Few days ago something changed, and I finally couldn’t keep inside me any longer. Now, I openly say that I am EXCITED as hell! I can’t sit still, I walk around my apartment and I smile to myself like a stupid person. Quite frankly, I do not care if he doesn’t want to get back together. It will hurt me, but I can survive this. I am happy he is coming back.

In around 5 hours I will be picking him up at the airport. Keep your fingers crossed for my happiness.

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