I have been in touch with my mum on and off regarding their situation.
I tried to be supportive, compassionate and patient. We spoke on skype a couple of times. I am normally very inpatient with her, especially when she pulls that face like she’s about to die and moans about my dad being an asshole. My dad is an asshole and my family is dysfunctional – I need to finally admit that, but considering the fact that my mum is 57 and my dad is 62, and that they have debts they can’t pay off, I was trying to support my mum. I listened to her, I said all the right things (that I learned from Brene Brown by the way) and I was always there for her.
That was until she got all wined up about something I said in my email. She said she didn’t need my support any more, that my sister and I should live where we live and stop caring about them. It was all in a manner of ‘I don’t need your help’ to make you feel even worse – my mum is a master of doing that to me.
So, I stopped contacting her. I decided that I will be better off without talking to her. I do really feel much better when I don’t have to even think about my family.
Yesterday I received a message from her asking me when I was going to be in Bangkok. I said I was leaving on the 16th. She said then that my grandma was in the hospital. I asked her why. Her response just made me want to buy a ticket home to be able to hit her in the face: ‘This is not the best time of my life. I think I won’t live for very long’. I took a deep breath. I thought my grandma was in the hospital, not my mum, so I asked her (just to be sure) who wouldn’t live for very long: her or grandma. ‘Does it matter?’ she replied.
I exactly knew what she was doing there. I hadn’t been in touch for 3 weeks, so she was trying to make me feel bad and start talking to her again. I got so angry that my stomach started hurting and I felt sick.
She then sent an email to my sister saying that their financial situation was really bad, that they didn’t have any money, and were about to sell my father’s shares in his company to his business partner, and that the partner was trying to rip them off. When my sister asked for more details, she said that she didn’t really have any and she will write more when she has them.
I was furious. I sent her a long message saying that she has no right to say that she was about to die and make us feel guilty, and that stressing us with incomplete information of their financial situation is just unfair. She wants support, that’s fine. We both can give all the support she needs, but she needs to be able to speak to us in a normal way and inform us about everything.
I decided that I had had enough of her bullshit and contacted her best friend. It turns out that the partner agreed to buy the shares, but he requested to have my mum’s holiday apartments for 5 years, as a security. I am not clear on why exactly he needs the security if he is the one buying the shares, and why in goodness sake my mum agreed to do that??!!
From the pervious post you will find out that these were the apartments I was suppose to become an owner of. The whole legal process of this was pretty complicated as there are no facilities of doing so in Thailand, but I could have gone to Malaysia, or Singapore, or just go home to do it. But my mum didn’t mention the subject ever since, and I thought it was going to be ok. Now, it turns out that my dad’s business partner, a person I hate the most in the world, was going to have the properties for 5 years!! What the fuck??!!
I am thinking that maybe I should cancel my trip to India and go home to sort this out, if I can….Although, thinking of doing so is making me even angrier.
I have anxieties because of them. I suffer from sleepless nights. I feel depressed and desperate for some help, any kind of help. I sometimes think that maybe it would be better to cut my family out of my life completely…
My sister is supportive and she talks to me about it all the time, but I think when one of us would need to go home to help out, it would be me. It is a terrible thing to say, but she hates our mum for all the trauma she had to go through with her when she was a child, and she wouldn’t be very keen on helping my mum with anything.
I decided to contact my mum’s lawyer and then call my mum and confront her.