I had to apologize to the Pretty Boy. I really felt bad about being so mean to him. He didn’t deserve it and I missed him. He said he just didn’t call me back cause he didn’t have any credits on his phone, but was planning on contacting me. I was relieved. We made up and everything was back to normal. And normal means: no contact for a few days, then meet up randomly, and spending some time during the weekend, including a sex session (an AMAZING sex session).

At the moment I am very confused about what and how I feel about him. I really do like him. I think he is a nice, sensitive guy. He treats me right, we have a good connection. I like our little deal of not spending too much time together as it fulfils my need for being close with someone, sex and intimacy, but leaves me plenty of space at the same time.

However, I do kind of want more…We had a conversation about it two days ago. I asked him who I was for him, and he said he didn’t want to put any labels on me. He said that it was me who didn’t want to be in a proper relationship and it was me, who made that clear at the very beginning. He also said that he wasn’t a guy who goes around picking other women up and sleeping around, which made me think that it was some kind of a declaration of being exclusive. I am fine with that…I think.

And then we went camping…together…like a couple…

The problem with me is that I don’t know what I want. As I said, I like him and I want to be with him. But I do want to be with him when he seems distant, and when he wants space. Once he gets too close I pull away and I feel annoyed with him of being too affectionate.

And I must admit that I do not want to commit to him before HE comes back and I am absolutely sure that nothing’s going to happen between us – although, I really doubt that.

And talking about HIM:

I compared the Pretty Boy to HIM. HE is funny, makes me laugh and we have an amazing connection, but he’s also immature and afraid of commitment. The Pretty Boy is completely opposite of this. He wants a relationship, he likes me and I know that he would adore me if I could only let him do that. Did I mention the sex, which is out of this world? But I still hold myself back and protect myself from all this…

Maybe I’m some kind of a masochist that likes to be treated badly?

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