A few things happened in the last few days and I don’t want to bore you with details, so I will keep everything in one post and will try to keep it short.
M and BF
I haven’t hanged out with M and BF so much recently. They are both cool people, but I noticed that since Christmas we have grown apart a little. I thought that I would not be sentimental about them leaving, but I was. Yesterday, they had their farewell do and we cried like babies. I hate when people leave and I hate saying good bye!
THE PRETTY BOY
The French guy came back on Saturday from his meditation retreat. I met him at his hostel. We had sex and it was good, of course. I spent a nice time with him, but other than sex there is nothing that attracts me to him.
I had a French boyfriend before and I know how they date. As soon as you kiss them, or sleep with them, they think you are an exclusive couple. And that was what happened with the Pretty Boy.
He wanted to see me too often, invited me to dinners, and when we were together, in a social situation, he was touching and kissing me all the time, which made me uncomfortable.
I finally had to tell him that I wanted to stay single, and I didn’t have any feelings for him. I offered him to continue as friends with benefits, or just friends, and he agreed to have sex with me from time to time only.
I guess I got myself a friend with benefits.
HE told me today he was coming back on the 9th of April. I think I still should be in Chiang Mai, but it is the time where my holiday starts and I might also be away.
He is planning to stay here for 6 months. It is a fair amount of time for the things to get settled between us. We either decide to stay together, or we split again.
The communication between us is steady.Sometimes we don’t talk for a week. I usually don’t seek contact. He is always the first one to message me. And once we start talking, we can do so 3 – 4 days in a row.
I think often about what happens when he’s here. Today he was saying that he would like to go to different places in Chiang Mai with me, he wants me to take him running, he wants to spend the Thai new year with me. He clearly wants to see me…But he also said that after 6 months he would need to move somewhere and he might go to Brazil. When I said that I didn’t want to let him go, he said he was his own man, which is a fair thing to say. Just as much as me, he cannot predict what happens to us and he can’t let his life evolve around me, or something that we are not sure about. I think I just hoped for a more delicate and romantic answer.
But I don’t want to spend another 6 months with a guy, whom I will split with eventually. Is there a way out of this situation?
I also think about planning my life. I have been feeling restless recently and that I want to move again. I look up places and imagine myself living there. I wonder what happens if we actually decide to stay together. I don’t want to compromise and quit my lifestyle because of love.
But this is of course only a theoretical problem. We do not know what is going to happen. Maybe, during the next 2 months, I will meet someone, who will sweep me off my feet and I will forget about HIM.
For the time being, you can’t blame me for thinking all those things. I have been waiting for him for so long and now he is coming back and that is just a bit overwhelming.
LIFE IN GENERAL
Besides that, everything is steady. I still go running 3 times a week, which makes me a) tired (in a good way. The kind of tired, when you sleep like a rock) and b) hungry (I eat like a horse!)
Because of the latter, and because of the fact that I quit smoking, I think I might have put on some weight (I also blame the beer here). I will try to shed that extra fat by the time HE comes back, but it will be hard. I love food so much, and I’m in Thailand after all, where food is everywhere.
Except the Pretty Boy I haven’t hooked up with anyone. A couple of guys took my number and we have been in touch, but I have no interest in them. I talk about men all the time, but it is like admiring a piece of art: I really like it and I appreciate it, but I wouldn’t take it home. It is nice to admire from the distance.
Next week we are going to a music festival outside of town. There is a couple of us that are going. I seriously can’t wait. I so want to get out of town!