I have been feeling so happy recently. I didn’t want to say anything before, because sometimes when you say it out loud the feeling disappears. But I can’t hide that any longer. I am happy. And it doesn’t matter if my parents are in financial trouble, or that I miss home sometimes so much that it hurts. I am happy.
There are moments when then happiness is so strong it almost rips out my chest. I feel like I am about to burst. I am not exaggariating. And whenever the feeling of dread and anexiety washes over me, I remind myself to be grateful. I look for something small to focus on, like a palm tree, or a coconut seller, smiling to me. I am grateful for every moment. I truly am.
I had these moments of hapinness before, but they never lasted so long.
I started feeling like that at the same moment I ‘broke up’ with the Fresh Meat. I suddenly realised that I am free to do whatever I want. I focused on my writing and my two blogs (this one and the travel one). My travel blog is doing better and better, and was recognized by one of the travel websites as one to follow this year. After that I thought why not to try and work on it harder, so one day I can make a living out of it. That’s my goal for now.
I started thinking of my future, and looking at my savings I realised that I could not work for a bit and travel again. I might do that next year, and go to South America.
Recently, I have started exercising and I sleep so well. I haven’t slept like that for a long time.
I haven’t had a man in my life (at least no one significant I wouldn’t make fun of) for a while. I might need some physical relationship, but I am afraid what might happen when I get too involved. My whole positive energy might be destroyed and I will be back into overanalyzing and worrying.
HE is coming back in April and I hope that until now I can sort my feelings for him out. At the moment I really don’t know what I want. I still have strong feelings for him. We still chat every day…but…I am scared that he comes here and he will ruin my self-confidence and my happiness and I will turn into a mess again. On the other hand, I would like to be with him, but I am worried that he won’t want the same. So, until he comes back, I hope that I will be able to decide what to do when he’s finally here.
Meanwhile, the French guy I slept with a few months ago, is back in town. I haven’t seen him yet. He arrived today. I don’t like him that much, but he is beautiful and has the softest skin I have ever touched, and he’s good in bed, so I hope him coming here means lots of sexy time.
Fingers crossed for me getting laid this weekend.