It’s that time of the month again – pre-menstrual time, the one that I hate so much.
I know when my period is coming because I get anxious, sad and depressed. A few days before I start hating people. Oh no, wait! I don’t hate them, I just get melodramatic about everything and my friends usually suffer. So, if they don’t text me or call me, I don’t text them or call them either, even though I really like to make that connection and I do want company and someone to listen to me whining about life, but no, I stay quiet for days, thinking that they probably don’t care about me and I’m just unnecessary addition to my life. When they make contact, or when I hang out with them, I turn into that sad, sarcastic and horrible person I really don’t want to be.
I wake up in the morning, feeling like a failure and so tired that I could sleep for another 24 hours. I get to work and I want to kill everyone, who dares to chat to me.
I experience ups and downs every 10 minutes or so. One minute I am angry, the next I am happy and motivated to sort out the things I have been putting off for a while.
I question my life choices, I miss my X husband, I feel lonely and ugly. I feel like I will never find love again…
And I can’t wait for the period to arrive.
As much as it is always painful and I need to take a lot of painkillers so the stomach cramps subsidise, I welcome my monthly flow, because it means that I will be happier.
I go through this every month. It is tiring, but it also means that I am a woman and I love everything about that. It is a little part of me, and of who I am. I just wish the feeling of loneliness wasn’t there.