Do you also see dating as an effort? I do. You really have to put so much energy into it. You have to dress nicely (which in my case means shorts and a better quality top than those cheap ones I wear every day). You have to shave your legs (that bit is the worst). You have to spend your evening with someone you don’t really know and pretend that you are interested in whatever they have to say. You have to make a good impression, and then you still don’t know if this is a good investment of your energy.

In the last couple of days I turned down 3 dates. 2 from OKC and one from a guy, whom I met through a friend. He is French and he is just passing through Chiang Mai. We made out at a party and I was considering going out with him. Today he messaged me if I wanted to go out for a dinner, and I am pretending that I haven’t seen the message, so I can reply back at midnight with something like ‘Oh, sorry I just saw your message. Maybe another time…’ Normally, I would be excited about going out with a guy, who looks like a Greek god, but this time I just prefer to spend the evening with my sister drinking beer and playing jenga. Plus, the guy wants to go for dinner and eating any meal with a man I barely know is my worst nightmare.

Maybe I could be convinced to go out with a guy I know a little more than only from an OKC profile, or from a make out session at a random Thai bar.

On top of all that, I lost all motivation to flirt, and I am not attracted to any men (the French guy was drunken fun, nothing more).

Before, I went out to a bar or a club I  could spot which guy liked me, and I was into some flirting straight away. I was excited when I went on a date and it was a good one. I loved feeling butterflies in my stomach and I searched for it on purpose. For the last couple of weeks, I just don’t feel like I want this any more.

I miss having someone next to me, in my bed. I miss kissing and cuddling. I feel like I have a lot of love to give, but I just don’t want to invest it in someone, who is passing through, or is just not worth it. I also feel lazy. And, it seems like I really like HIM and it is hard for me to get over that.

I think there won’t be many updates on dating any time soon.