When HE left, my dear Gay Friend advised me to take some time off and really explore my feelings for HIM. So, I did.

I usually get over a guy pretty quickly. They leave, or we break up, I don’t see them for a while, do my own things, or meet someone else and think of the previous man with a sentiment.

It’s been a month since he left. I stayed away from dating, learning Thai, going out, exercising, feeling physically better. Mentally I had my better and worse moments. Then, I went on three dates and had sex with the English Boy. And after all this…I miss HIM even more…

I think of HIM all the time, I want HIM to be by my side in bed and cuddle me like he used to, I want to go out with him on a Friday night, I want to hang out with HIM and my friends on Saturdays. I want HIM back….so badly….

The sex with the English Boy made me miss HIM even more.

We chat every day, but there’s no mention of skype calls or anything. When I say I miss HIM, he doesn’t say it back.

But HE continues messaging me, chatting to me and mentioning how badly he wants to come back.

We never talk about us being together. Today HE messaged me. HE was coming back from a party and was a little drunk. HE said that he can’t find girls that like HIM. I pretended to be cool about this statement and made fun of HIM.

But, I am not cool with it, not one bit. I am not innocent, because I am also looking for dates, because I realise I can’t wait for HIM like Penelope, not knowing if and when HE is coming back. But the feelings I have for HIM are killing me…I feel frustrated that HE doesn’t know how I feel.

HE is really hard to talk to about feelings. HE always turns everything into a joke. Telling HIM everything would be a struggle and can leave me confused even more.

It might also result in HIM withdrawing and not contacting me any more, and his daily messages are highlights of my day.

Should I tell HIM how I feel, or should I just leave it…..?