‘Just imagine…he comes back…you’re all excited..and he slaps out an egg shaped Teutonic willy’

‘So what did you do?’

‘Well…I was like…I’ll roll with it’

M always has the best sex stories. She usually tells me about her adventures very slowly, with an ‘I don’t really care about anything in the world’ manner, crossing her legs and smoking a cigarette.

This one was about a guy, who she was dating back in the States. It was the first time they had sex and his penis was weirdly shaped. And we got to this point because I was telling her about the English boy I went on a date with and I was seeing him the next day. I told her I didn’t feel any connection with him, but he was good looking and had a nice body, so all I really wanted from him was a little action. She asked me then if it would be a deal breaker if he had a weird penis. So, from one word to another, she ended up telling me the story about very small, egg shaped penis of her ex boyfriend.

That was the main subject of our conversation that evening.

The next day I had a date with the English boy. Let’s just say that I am blaming M for everything and I am convince that all her ‘weird shaped willy’ story and questions brought it on to me. I hope I am not doomed now.

Except the strangeness of his equipment, he is a very nice guy…but ugh I just want him to be someone else….