I came back home yesterday after a hard day of work, totally exhausted. I entered the building and heard a familiar voice of my landlord: ‘You! You!’ He was running up the stairs after me with a small parcel. ‘You!’ he gestured to the small box and at me. I understood the small little thing was for me.
I quickly scanned my memory for any shopping I might have done online. It could have happened during one of my drunken nights, but no…I was sure I hadn’t ordered anything. I looked at the box and HIS name was on there. I was totally surprised.
I looked at the landlord. He put the box against his ear. ‘Tick tick’ he laughed, pretending that there might be a bomb inside. ‘Give me that fucking box!’ I wanted to scream, but I smiled politely. He passed it to me and I ran up the stairs, to my room to rip off the paper and see what was inside.
He sent me two big packets of my favourite Polish candy with a little note, which unfortunately wasn’t a love letter. I really wanted it to be. I would have given all the candies in the world to get a nice, love note from him.
I messaged him instantly to say thank you.
He then told me a story how he had had an argument with another guy in a club. This story included a sentence ‘I had this tinder date…’ All the bells in my head started ringing ‘WHAT????’ I kept my cool though. I didn’t mention how it hurt me and how totally confused by his behaviour I was.
I was going to go to the gym that evening, but instead I stayed home, ate that chocolate and watched film after film on TV.
I wanted to say something to him. I was planning to send him a message first saying that I don’t want to know about his dating, second saying that I didn’t want him to date, and then I quit both ideas. I am afraid that it will just make him feel trapped and he will withdraw. Maybe it’s better to wait until he comes back. Maybe I don’t have any right to say something like that to him. After all he is far away…And isn’t it true that if a guy wants to be with you, he will and you won’t have to wonder about it? (Something someone wise said to me once…)