I woke up yesterday with an anxiety. This has been happening to me more and more these days. Usually it lasts until my first lesson at school, during which I forget about what I have been worrying about, but recently it has stayed with me.

Yesterday my first thought was “I am 33. I will soon be 40 and I have no plans for the future and no security”. My concerns are mostly about my retirement and career. I know that I am still young, but the time flies and I might be left out without much savings when I’m older.

I have some money left out in my UK account, which I would like to use for some investment, but it turns out that it is not enough to buy a property, or invest in anything else. So, the money stays in my account and I am not planning on touching it until I figure out what to do with it.

Teaching in Thailand is wonderful. I enjoy it. I like the fact that I am not forced to do much work, I can do whatever I want during the classes, I don’t do overtime and I can enjoy my life after work. However, I am aware that I can’t stay here forever. I earn 25,000 baht, which is enough to live here comfortably (think: dinners every day, weekly massages and pedicures and lots of evenings out), but I can’t earn this amount of money forever. It is just not enough to secure my future. I was never worried about things like that when I was with my X. But now, when I am alone, I am worried not only about what’s coming, but also how I will cope with my finances.

I know that I don’t want to go back to the UK, nor to Europe. I can’t live in a big city, such as Tokyo or Shanghai – those places would kill me. I love living in Chiang Mai, but it just seems like the life here won’t give me what I want for the future. I need to have a medical insurance and a retirement plan. I also need to live in a city where my next boyfriend won’t go away again (although, the latter is the least of my worries). So what do I do? Where should I go next?

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