Last night the School Crush and I went out. We drove back and I went to his place. We hanged around and I thought nothing would happen. And then kissed me, then he kissed my neck, he laid me down on his bed and took his shirt off. He kissed my neck again. ‘God this feels nice’ I thought. I wanted to lose myself in it…He took my top off…I felt him through his shorts. I really, really wanted him. But then suddenly I heard my friend’s voice in my head: ‘I think he doesn’t want to date at all. He just wants someone to fuck…’ I opened my eyes and saw him unzipping my shorts.
‘Wait, wait!’ I said ‘I need to go..’
‘Well….I’m going out with some friends’.
‘What? Now?’ he asked surprised.
‘Yes’ I lied.
I got up and started dressing. I wanted to stay, badly…but couldn’t stop thinking of him inviting me over just to have sex. I thought of how I would feel after, leaving his flat, waiting for his text the next day, looking at him when we meet next time and wondering if he likes me in the same way I like him. I had to leave.
‘I don’t want you to go’ he said ‘Stay. I know you want to stay, too’
He stood up, hugged me, kissed me again and tried to lay me down. I spent a while trying to stop his kisses and his pleading for me to stay, and I left. I was kind of proud of myself for saying no to him.
Part of me wants to sleep with him and wants to have fun, but the other part realises that I shouldn’t do it…..