Due to some circumstances I lived with the School Crush for 3 weeks. We became pretty close and intimate. I started to like him more and more(well, except when he was drunk, but that’s a different story). We had great sex, good conversation and spent a lot of time together.

This hooking up was going for a while, so I decided that I needed to know what was going on with us.

The day came when he was moving out to his own flat.

‘You know’ I said ‘When you go, I don’t mind you to date and sleep with other people, but I want you to know that I’m done with hooking up. I’m not desperate for a relationship either, but if you want to see me in that way, I would prefer to be exclusive with you’. He looked at me and said he would think about it.

Two days later he said: ‘Would you hate me if I said I would prefer to be friends’. Of course, I wouldn’t hate him, but I felt disappointed. ‘I came to Thailand to do something and one of the things was to stop drinking. I need to stop and dating someone wouldn’t help me with that.’ he said. I really didn’t see his point. ‘Well, how would you date me if we were going out somewhere and you  would feel like you couldn’t drink because of me…’ 

I felt terrible. I felt like he didn’t see anything else in me and just a party girl. Maybe it is true, maybe I am too much sometimes. Am I not interesting enough to be around. Does he think that all I do is drinking?

‘To me’ I said ‘it looks like you are looking for an excuse because you want to be alone’. 

‘That’s part of it as well’ he said.

I still feel like shit….