I am sorry for the silence. I was busy.

We had fun with the Frenchie. He was affectionate, warm, curious and crazy. He would come to my guesthouse with beer and snacks when I felt down. He took me to a roof of the building and hugged me tight, just so I could feel a little better. He sent me texts to say good morning, or good night. He looked at me in a way every girl wants to be looked at and said how much he liked me and how beautiful I was. 

We went out all the time, having so much fun I was exhausted at the end of the night. We were both smitten with each other. 

He then went to a dinner without me. There he met two French cyclists, who cycled to Thailand from France. And then everything changed. He had a revelation. He decided to do the same thing as they did. And just then, just like that, he started pulling away. There were weeks when I didn’t see him. He hardly could find time to meet me. 

When we went on a date he was distant. He once said he was bored with my friends and going to the same places. He said he wanted to discover something new every day. It sounded like he was bored with me, too. I felt bad about myself and decided to break up with him and just when I was sure I really wanted to we had another talk. he apologised and agreed he was being the worst boyfriend in the world. He said he wanted to be with me, because he liked me, but he just couldn’t commit. He said we could still try…We tried for a bit. I went away for a couple of days. I came back. I didn’t hear from him and then, during my worst hangover I had ever experienced in my life, I messaged him and said it was over. Just like that. I didn’t even feel sorry…Well, I miss him still. I miss his crazy personality, conversations about everything and nothing, I miss his kisses and his touch…But I know he’s not emotionally available, that he’s leaving and the whole thing wouldn’t make much sense. If we were to get back together, I would expect something more from him than casual dating. Unfortunately, he can’t give me that.

I might not feel so bad about it because I cheated on him a couple of times with the School Crush. I wasn’t and I am not sorry about it either. I feel like it was OK.

I am casually dating the School Crush, but I don’t feel anything towards him. I realise that we will never be a couple. He’s just a guy I know. He’s my friend and we have sex from time to time. And the sex is good. I am not overanalyzing this ‘relationship’. I don’t think about him all the time and I continue to do my own stuff without taking him into consideration. It is what it is…

I am also not looking for anyone. Of course, I look at other men. I will always do that, but I don’t want a relationship, nor anything else. I have sex when I want it and my friends here and abroad are providing me with emotional support. All is good in my opinion…

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