I started looking for a job yesterday. It might be hard as the school holidays start in April and everyone is hiring for May, which is fine. I can wait until May, but I would prefer to have something lined up now, but the schools are in no rush to start interviewing. 

So, I went around the schools today and then sent a couple of CVs in the evening and of course I am panicking. What if I can’t find a job?? I can’t go back to London. I just can’t.

I felt a little tired, so didn’t go out with Marion for dinner and stayed in, listened to music and looked at some possible jobs. 

I felt a little ….anxious, I guess. I then went to read this blog and went back as far as October. Gosh, I sounded like a completely different person! I was so sad. I still have my worries, but I feel so much better than a couple of months ago. I so don’t want to be that person ever again. Reading all those posts made me feel a little better. Because whatever happens I know I am stronger to take it on. 

It also reminded me of the Kid and how much I miss having him around, but also what mistakes I made with him and that I learned a lot. I would like to see him one day. I miss his wit and his body. We email sometimes, but it’s just general stuff. I usually initiate the conversation. I send him snapchats and he replies with his photos. It’s amusing, but I know there’s nothing I can do to make him come and visit. I once or twice tried to tell him how much I missed him and he changed the subject, or made a silly joke. 

I was tempted to text School Crush today. He befriended me on FB and I emailed him asking how he was, but he hasn’t been logged on for a whole day, so didn’t have a chance to reply. I was thinking to send him a ‘good night text’, but thought it would have been too much and I don’t want to scare the poor guy off. Maybe I’ll do it tomorrow eve….