I’m not interested in meeting men anymore. I just can’t be bothered with talking to them, making small conversation, being polite and flirty and…ugh…. I have no idea why I feel this way. It might be the fact that I have had so many experiences that drained me so much that I can’t do it any longer. Or, it might be the fact that I’ve been having fun with some of the guys here and don’t really need any other entertainment in my life.

I’m still on OK Cupid. I went out on a date yesterday. The guy was beautiful, not even good looking – he was like taken out of my dreams. But I was too tired to make an effort and ask him questions, so I made an excuse and left after a polite drink. I might go out with him again if he asks me….maybe….

I wish I could just meet someone, make friends with them, don’t have expectations and just allow the things to take their own course of action. I would like to have a friend, who would become my lover with time, so I don’t need to try to make a great impression on him. 

The only crush I have at the moment is a guy from my school. He’s got the most beautiful eyes. But, he’s so immature and talks total filth all the time and it’s a put off for me. I don’t know how you can be so cute and disgusting at the same time. 

I don’t think anything will happen with him. A thought of sleeping with him is not really appealing. It’s just a crush, I guess…

I miss having sex and being physical with someone, but I don’t want to go through dating and the whole nervousness surrounding meeting someone new. It always drains me. I think I will stay away from males for the time being (on the other hand, whenever I say that, someone comes along and ruins the whole thing…).