The Turk messaged me yesterday in the afternoon. 

Turk: It was a nice night yesterday.

Me: Yes, it was.

Turk: Regret?

Me: No. Why should I?

Turk: Girls sometimes do…

Of course, at this point I’m still thinking that we’re gonna hold hands and shit until his trip is over.

Me:  Should we repeat it?

T: Maybe. We will see. I think when we get to the north, if you like.

M: We will see then..

And by this point I’m thinking: fuck, this is not going to be a romantic story.

T: Tonight I just want to party. 

Then we arrange to meet in the evening to catch a cab to the party, but first I double check if he still wants me to go with him. He says of course and that I should stop analyzing. And then he goes: ‘Let’s have a good party. And if you want to hang out with other people I am not gonna stop you. I just want to have a nice New Years Eve and quality time. I don’t want to be worried about how you feel entire night.’ I roll my eyes at this. Ok, I get it. He wants to fuck other people, fair enough. 

T: Do you think I’m an asshole now? Whenever I have a good night with a girl there’s always a drama.

M: There’s no drama. I think you are a bit of an ass. But on the other hand I went with you, even though I knew that as soon as the chase is over you are going to make a quick evacuation. Been there, done that. No biggie.

I must say I felt bad about the whole thing. Not because I slept with him, but because he fooled me and I allowed it to happen. I really did hope it would be something romantic and special. You don’t take a girl on a day trip, look her in the eyes, touch her all the time etc if you just want to shag her. Well, ok – you do. Guys will do everything, but I really do prefer to do a one night thing and not see the guy anymore than being fooled like that. At least when I meet someone and we go to bed I know what to expect. Here, I just felt stupid. 

We then exchanged a couple more messages, but agree to stay on a friendly terms. I so wanted to be nasty to him and call him an asshole again, but I decided to play it cool. 

He messaged me again in the afternoon asking how I was and what I was doing. We agreed to meet for drinks before setting off to the party. There was also his Turkish mate coming and a couple of other people. 

The whole day I felt like shit about the whole thing. I really didn’t know how to deal with this. On one hand nothing really happened. It was just pure lust, but then I got fooled, and that what it was all about.

I went out for food and met a nice Dutch guy, so invited him over to join us for drinks. I’m such a bitch. 

We got to the place and met the others. There was another Dutch guy and a German girl. I totally played it cool. I was so proud of myself. The Turk sat opposite me and was checking me out all the time. I ignored him. We had a friendly conversation. 

I flirted a little with the Dutch guy. He is also going to Chiang Mai, so we agreed to rent a scooter and go for a road trip. 

We finished the drinks and went to look for a taxi. The German girl and two Dutch guys went to a different party. 

‘Oh, I think I have a competition’ – said the Turk to his mate, referring to the Dutch boys departing with the German girl (who by the way is really pretty).

He repeated that twice more later on. He could have said it in Turkish, so I wouldn’t have understood, but he had to make a stupid joke. Fucking asshole! I did what you do in situations like that, and took out my phone and pretended I was texting someone. 

In the taxi, I decided to ditch the Turks. 

At the party I met an Indian guy (who I had stayed with for the first days in Bangkok. I need to write a post about him. He’s such a good travel story) and his new Couchsurfer – another German girl. 

I took the Indian under his arm and went to the bar, completely ignoring the Turk. He followed me few minutes after and said they were going to check out the area and where would he find me. I shrugged my shoulders and said that I’d be around. 

We started dancing. The Turk came over and was trying to dance with me. Again – I ignored him. Gosh, he looked good. I had to repeat ‘asshole, asshole, asshole’ in my head to remind myself that he is not a good guy. 

Then at 12 he hugged me and kissed me…and we made out…It was fun though, but at one point I told him that his comment about the German girl and the competition was stupid and childlish. He said it was a joke and that I need to stop overanalyzing. I know I overthink stuff, but don’t you think that what he said was just immature??? Why would you say such a thing?

From then on there was no making out and he was avoiding my eyes, which is fine. I get it. He seemed pretty upset about what I had said. He’s such a waste of space, honestly…Such a sorry excuse for a guy….but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to shag him again…

We took a cab, went back to the hostel, kissed one more time and that was all. 

He’s leaving for the north today and I’m leaving tomorrow night, so will see him on the 3rd. He already made plans to spend time with me and go for meditation etc. As a friend he is a pretty nice person, but then it all goes a little downhill when it comes to other things. Unless, it’s me….

I just need to stop thinking so much, and just be casual with all this….