The Turk messaged me yesterday in the afternoon.
Turk: It was a nice night yesterday.
Me: Yes, it was.
Turk: Regret?
Me: No. Why should I?
Turk: Girls sometimes do…
Of course, at this point I’m still thinking that we’re gonna hold hands and shit until his trip is over.
Me: Should we repeat it?
T: Maybe. We will see. I think when we get to the north, if you like.
M: We will see then..
And by this point I’m thinking: fuck, this is not going to be a romantic story.
T: Tonight I just want to party.
Then we arrange to meet in the evening to catch a cab to the party, but first I double check if he still wants me to go with him. He says of course and that I should stop analyzing. And then he goes: ‘Let’s have a good party. And if you want to hang out with other people I am not gonna stop you. I just want to have a nice New Years Eve and quality time. I don’t want to be worried about how you feel entire night.’ I roll my eyes at this. Ok, I get it. He wants to fuck other people, fair enough.
T: Do you think I’m an asshole now? Whenever I have a good night with a girl there’s always a drama.
M: There’s no drama. I think you are a bit of an ass. But on the other hand I went with you, even though I knew that as soon as the chase is over you are going to make a quick evacuation. Been there, done that. No biggie.
I must say I felt bad about the whole thing. Not because I slept with him, but because he fooled me and I allowed it to happen. I really did hope it would be something romantic and special. You don’t take a girl on a day trip, look her in the eyes, touch her all the time etc if you just want to shag her. Well, ok – you do. Guys will do everything, but I really do prefer to do a one night thing and not see the guy anymore than being fooled like that. At least when I meet someone and we go to bed I know what to expect. Here, I just felt stupid.
We then exchanged a couple more messages, but agree to stay on a friendly terms. I so wanted to be nasty to him and call him an asshole again, but I decided to play it cool.
He messaged me again in the afternoon asking how I was and what I was doing. We agreed to meet for drinks before setting off to the party. There was also his Turkish mate coming and a couple of other people.
The whole day I felt like shit about the whole thing. I really didn’t know how to deal with this. On one hand nothing really happened. It was just pure lust, but then I got fooled, and that what it was all about.
I went out for food and met a nice Dutch guy, so invited him over to join us for drinks. I’m such a bitch.
We got to the place and met the others. There was another Dutch guy and a German girl. I totally played it cool. I was so proud of myself. The Turk sat opposite me and was checking me out all the time. I ignored him. We had a friendly conversation.
I flirted a little with the Dutch guy. He is also going to Chiang Mai, so we agreed to rent a scooter and go for a road trip.
We finished the drinks and went to look for a taxi. The German girl and two Dutch guys went to a different party.
‘Oh, I think I have a competition’ – said the Turk to his mate, referring to the Dutch boys departing with the German girl (who by the way is really pretty).
He repeated that twice more later on. He could have said it in Turkish, so I wouldn’t have understood, but he had to make a stupid joke. Fucking asshole! I did what you do in situations like that, and took out my phone and pretended I was texting someone.
In the taxi, I decided to ditch the Turks.
At the party I met an Indian guy (who I had stayed with for the first days in Bangkok. I need to write a post about him. He’s such a good travel story) and his new Couchsurfer – another German girl.
I took the Indian under his arm and went to the bar, completely ignoring the Turk. He followed me few minutes after and said they were going to check out the area and where would he find me. I shrugged my shoulders and said that I’d be around.
We started dancing. The Turk came over and was trying to dance with me. Again – I ignored him. Gosh, he looked good. I had to repeat ‘asshole, asshole, asshole’ in my head to remind myself that he is not a good guy.
Then at 12 he hugged me and kissed me…and we made out…It was fun though, but at one point I told him that his comment about the German girl and the competition was stupid and childlish. He said it was a joke and that I need to stop overanalyzing. I know I overthink stuff, but don’t you think that what he said was just immature??? Why would you say such a thing?
From then on there was no making out and he was avoiding my eyes, which is fine. I get it. He seemed pretty upset about what I had said. He’s such a waste of space, honestly…Such a sorry excuse for a guy….but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to shag him again…
We took a cab, went back to the hostel, kissed one more time and that was all.
He’s leaving for the north today and I’m leaving tomorrow night, so will see him on the 3rd. He already made plans to spend time with me and go for meditation etc. As a friend he is a pretty nice person, but then it all goes a little downhill when it comes to other things. Unless, it’s me….
I just need to stop thinking so much, and just be casual with all this….
Ms Noir said:
He sounds like a complete dick. Why surround yourself with him?!
divorcedandsingleblog said:
I think I’m the kind of person who goes for bad boys….
Dawn said:
I think you need to stop romanticizing every encounter. I know it’s hard, but you have to put every encounter into the same box of “not gonna be anything” until it is something more. Then you will stop being so disappointed.
Figure out how to detach yourself from the sex and the wanting more. I used to do that too…if they were a little more involved I would think there might be more to it than just a night, but it rarely was. So I had to change…Me, not them, me.
divorcedandsingleblog said:
Thanks for the comment. It seems like a good advice, but not sure how I learn that. I think I might be too romantic and too sensitive for all this.
Some guys I can detach myself from, some are just stuck in my head…like this one…
What did you do to change?
I also think that the situations like this one will make me bitter and I will lose all hope for love and I don’t want that.
I still want to belive in romance and love and don’t suspect my future boyfriends for cheating on me etc.
Dawn said:
It probably won’t be easy. You have to change, YOU have to want to feel differently. You don’t have to stop believing in romance…and it does not have to make you bitter. YOU make it that way.
Just imagine how wonderful and freeing it would be to just let go of the possibility until some man comes along and shows you true romance.
It’s all up to you…you simply have to be willing to.
Aussa Lorens said:
Ugh, he most definitely sounds like a complete arse. It’s not surprising that you had some semblance of feelings for him after he did wooing things with you… but his comments are unbelievable. Who does he think he is? He’s just some fun you’re having, and he needs to know this.
Also, this line beats all: “I did what you do in situations like that, and took out my phone and pretended I was texting someone.” Um, YES. We have aaaalll done this!
divorcedandsingleblog said:
he is a complete arse. When I met him I told him that he seems like a nice guy, but he has a lot of arrogance and selfishness in him. boy, I was right. He’s so egocentric that I think he reached some kind of peak in it.
I actually chatted online with him today and was mocking him, saying that he probably thinks that he’s a god of sex and he must love himself so much. He said it wasn’t true as he doesn’t like himself as a person. He said he could have been more handsome, relaxed and happier. So I said that if he wants to be more happy then maybe he should stop being a dick 🙂
Aussa Lorens said:
Better advice has never been given!
Sharn said:
I stumbled across this and thought I heard some of myself in your questioning.
I’m going to say listen to Dawn, what she said is true.
It’s something that you need to focus on with yourself and realise when you are displaying the same patterns of behaviour in regards to a guy.
Don’t expect them to be romantic, most guys don’t know romance if you hit them in the face with it. Mostly they are usually out for a quick lay.
And if you find yourself romanticising, I always found that asking them straight out what their intentions were fixed that right quick. I’d rather know that it’s a casual shag right off the bat because it means that all expectations are put to one side and I can enjoy it for what it is.
Good luck in finding your balance.
divorcedandsingleblog said:
Thank you so much for your advice. You’re absolutely right!
When I met the Turkish guy my friend told me exactly the same thing – just clarify what he wants. She knew straight away that there was not much there. I was blind. Well, I learned my lesson and will work on it.
Sharn said:
Anytime 🙂
And I’m glad you’re realising these things about yourself. It’s a hard road but well worth holding a mirror to the darkness to fix it.
Good luck 🙂