I feel lonely. I have been feeling like this for a long time, but my busy schedule hasn’t allowed me to realise it. I spend every weekend and every free minute doing something, running around, filling up my time and suddenly, after a while, I have this whole weekend to myself and all I can feel is sadness and loneliness.
I was busy on Friday and then yesterday I spend half a day with the X (which I will write about later). In the evening I found myself sitting in my bed, watching movies. It is the fireworks season in the UK and I heard them going off in the distance, I heard some people talking outside of my window, and it made me feel so alone.
I checked Facebook and there was no one available I could chat to, no emails came into my mailbox, no phone calls, not texts. I emailed my Lovely Friend. I wanted to reach out to others, but I do realise people have their own lives, their boyfriends, husbands, kids, shit they are struggling with.
I thought about the Kid and what he might have been doing. I knew he was partying, so he probably didn’t even think of me and that made me double sad.
I can’t be dependant on others. I need to deal with this on my own. I will be travelling by myself soon, and might feel even worse.
A friend called me this morning, asking if I wanted to come over. I declined. Despite the fact that I feel pretty bad, I think that the best thing to deal with this, is to stay in and face my fears, fight them and tell them to go away.
I think of taking up meditation again…
What do you do when you feel lonely or sad? Do you think it’s good to stay in and be alone to fight it, or is it better to look for company?