‘You know…normally I wouldn’t push you. I’d say fuck it and would move on, but I am leaving and want to see you whenever I can’ I was pretty annoyed by then. My PMD is kicking in again and I’m starting disliking everyone and everything that doesn’t go my way. 

The Kid laughed nervously. ‘But I have this birthday thing the whole weekend and next weekend I have tickets for a concert’ he explained.

‘And I’m fucking leaving’ I whispered.

‘I know…I can do almost every day next week and then spend the whole two days together before you go away, but I can’t do the weekends…’

I feel a little as a time filler and someone he sees when he feels like it. I don’t like the fact that it is I, who needs to ask him and that I might just be making myself too available for him…And I know I should tell him all this and stop dwelling on it, but I have always been bad with expressing myself. I am afraid I will sound stupid and silly. It was a problem when I was with the X and I find it hard to change. 

‘So…do you want to spend the 4th and 5th with me?’ he asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. ‘Yeah…I guess’ I said.

‘You don’t seem like you want to’

‘I don’t know…I will see…’

He asked why I didn’t want to. I said I wasn’t sure. He asked me to tell him why and I refused. 

Good! Let him worry.