I walk into the bar and I see a guy I like straight away. This comes to me naturally, I don’t even intend to meet someone. Sometimes I just want to have a good night with the girls, but I can’t help eyeing men and usually end up talking to some hotties.

This one is different. He doesn’t seem interested in me and avoids my stare, so I give up. At some point we end up standing at the bar, waiting for our drinks. I look him up and can see that he’s pretty young. I say hi and our conversation flows. He buys me a drink, we have a couple of shots, we laugh. I enjoy his company. ‘How old are you, child?’I finally ask. ’24. How old are you?’ he asks. ‘Older…much older’ I say and keep teasing him about his age the whole night.

The conversation goes from age problems, to sex and things I could teach him. Well, he actually says that. I say that I don’t do one night stands.

We exchange telephone numbers and he kisses me before I go home.

We meet the next day for a drink. He’s fun to be around. I am really attracted to him. But then there is an awkward moment and I can’t figure out if he fancies me. I go to the toilet and text my Lovely Friend to say that I’m ok and he’s fine, but the last couple of minutes have been a bit awkward. She advises me to end the date and go home. I come back and start saying that I need to go. ‘What? Why?’ he asks ‘Please stay. Please. Let’s have another drink. I want to hang out with you some more.’ he says. I’m surprised. I agree to have a small drink with him. I let him kiss me.

After that last drink we are both a bit tipsy. ‘Maybe we should go’ I say. ‘Maybe we should do something else?’ he says. ‘Like what? What do you want to do?’ I ask. He sits quietly for a while and blushes like a girl. ‘I think you do know’ he says. ‘No’ I say ‘Tell me.’ He looks at me with his blue eyes and says ‘I want you to take me home with you tonight’. I swallow. I stare at him and don’t know what to say for a bit. ‘Not tonight’ I say ‘You know I don’t do one night stands’. He smiles and says that it wouldn’t be a one night stand. ‘hahahaha pleassseee man!’ I think, but don’t say anything.

This morning I was joggling texting with Number 5 and Number 6. Number 5 is my less sexual fling, a guy I want to watch a movie and talk. He’s been texting me since yesterday – just casual things about names, birthdays, my home town. At one point he said I was hot though.

Number 6 is my sexual fantasy, a guy I want to shag, but also someone I don’t want to lose. I don’t want to sleep with him and watch him dress and leave my flat and never come back. Even though he is 24.
I am going to the cinema with him. He’s going on holiday in a few days and said he wanted to see me before he goes, so I’m going out…again. Am I lucky or not?

Why does the whole thing seem so wrong, but feel so nice?

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