I am bored. I look at other people’s profiles and feel resentment. So many faces, so many ‘witty, intelligent and funny’ men, who want to date ‘witty, intelligent, funny AND sexy’ women.

I scroll up and down the list of over 40,000 active users on match.com. Sometimes one face is more interesting than the other and I send them a ‘wink’, but I do it with an attitude of a porn star, who has had so much sex that she doesn’t find it exciting anymore. Not that I have had sex recently – I’ve hardly had any action.

It is Sunday and I sit on my couch with a laptop on my lap, staring at the screen. Online dating was something I thought would be fun and different from what you get when you go out on a Saturday night, but it disappointed me big time! I think I keep coming back to it because of the £60 I paid for 3 months subscription and I think that if I didn’t use the site it would just be a waste of money. So, I sit here waiting for a miracle to happen.

The whole process of finding another date makes me feel empty inside. It’s like talking to strangers online and then meeting them was an act of prostitution. And maybe it is in some way. I am, in fact, advertising myself on a website for men to see and I want them to CHOOSE ME.

I wake up on a Monday morning and I have a flash of ….I don’t know…wisdom (?) I am wasting my time, I am wasting my presumably good talent on viewing other people’s faces online and sending them ‘winks’. I’ve been feeling an urge to write for a long time, but only now I understand it, only now I know what it is I feel inside. I want to sit at my desk and let the words flow out of me, out of my keyboard and pen – it doesn’t matter if it’s going to be in my mother language, or in English. I want to be creative! And I’ve waited for this for almost 10 years.

I look at my body in the mirror and think I could actually lose some of that tummy and make my sweet, cute butt more toned. I want to go for a run again and maybe do a few classes of yoga.

I want to go for a facial and maybe (for the first time in my life) have a waxing done.

I want to learn something new, download a couple of lectures and let the clever people pour some useful and interesting knowledge into my brain.

And you know what I don’t need? Men! I really don’t need their presence in my life. And if it happens that I go on a date I won’t put much energy into it. I will try to go with the flow and stop worrying about the fact that some random guy, who I won’t ever see again in my life, won’t like me.

Then during  lunch time I check other people’s blogs.

‘ Things happen when you least expect it…stop looking and let it find you. That’s my new motto. No more searching for someone or something to fill my life….I got enough for now and I’m going to be happy with just that’ says Dawn from Embracing my life now.

‘I’m just going to work with what I’ve got, I’ve hidden my profiles or disabled them (of course that is assuming that they were ABLE to begin with haha, which I don’t think they were). I need to focus on my fiction, my photography, my charitable organization and ME’ says Trippyb from Reflections Upon My Skin.

As Dawn said, something’s in the air.

And here’s my good advice to those, who are desperate to have a man in their lives and can’t focus on what’s really important, which is their bodies and their souls: go and do the online dating. I assure you that after a couple of dates you will be so tired with all the dating drama and you will want to shut yourself in a room and think, really think hard what you want from your life.

Thank you match.com for helping me realise that I am worth more than a piece of cock.

P.S. all of the above doesn’t mean that I don’t want to date, or get laid. I do. Badly! (I’m actually writing down a list of people I want to shag), but it’s all about dividing my time wisely, and knowing what takes priority over what.