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I dreaded this date mostly because I knew already that this guy wouldn’t be up my street. I just had a feeling… I met Number 3 on match.com I decided to meet him in real life because I thought he was intelligent, and sent me long, funny emails. I love writing and I replied back. It was fun. He looked cute in the photos, but he was totally not my type. I couldn’t find one thing in his appearance that I liked. 

This morning the feeling of dread was strengthened by an enormous hangover. Last night I downed 2 bottles of wine with my ex-sister in law (yes, you got that right!) while deciding who’s got bigger dicks: Brazilians or British. Don’t ask!

When I saw Number 3 I hated his long, blond locks straight away. He spoke loudly, slightly staggering and repeating himself a few times in one sentence. He also had a very classy English accent and I couldn’t stop picturing him in a posh-type dressing gown, in his sleepers, probably smoking a pipe and asking ‘and how has your day been, young lady’? This, combined with the fact that he thought he looked like Tom Cruise made me want to burst out laughing throughout the whole time. (Let me just add that he didn’t look anything like Tom Cruise! He was very blond, with big blue eyes and round face. Where did he get that idea from for goodness sake?!)

After a while he started to bore me. For what seemed like an hour he talked about history of Jersey and how it influenced the English language in that region. I was thinking of getting out of the damn place. I lasted an hour and a half. 

The only thing I was worried about when we left the pub was ‘what will I do if he wants to kiss me?’ The last two dates had ended up with a good snog. What do you do if he wants to kiss you and you don’t want to? How awkward that must feel! Luckily, he didn’t. I got a smack on a cheek.

I was on a bus going home when I realised that I’d just been on a date in a pub, where I celebrated my wedding. I suggested the place, not even realising the significance of it. I think I might be over the divorce….